100 Dollar Bill

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

thanks Cindy!

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion.

Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. "How's your sex life?" asked the doctor.

"Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's obvious relief. But then the patient added, "I've had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems."

"What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.

"Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water."

"Hmm," said the doctor, thoughtfully.

"That's not all," continued the patient. "When my wife gives me a blowjob, she gets heartburn."

"Hmm," said the doctor, as his face reddened.

"It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"

Thanks Cindy

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $100.00

"Why so little,"she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used

to live in a house of Prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.

She took it home, hung the bird's cage up in her living room, and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, That's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Frank came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Frank."

Thanks Cindy