thirteen, thirteen
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the
insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside
chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the
fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the
eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting,
"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside
chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the
fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the
eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting,
"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
Water time machine
Monday, August 28, 2006
$50 is $50
Friday, August 25, 2006
Morris and his wife, Esther, went to the state fair every year. Each year, he would ask if they could take the helicopter ride and she would say,
"Morris, it costs $50 and you know $50 is $50. We cannot afford it".
Finally, they were at the fair again and Morris asked if they could take the helicopter ride this year, as he was 85 now and there may not be another chance.
"No, Morris, $50 is $50 and we can't afford it."
The pilot overheard them talking and told them if they would keep quiet during the ride, he would take them both and there would be no charge. If they said a word at all, then it would be $50. They talked it over and agreed. So, up they went.
The pilot went through fancy maneuvers, up and down and over, but nothing was said. He did the loops again but nothing. When they landed, He turned to Morris and said,
"There is no charge. I am impressed that you stayed quiet."
Morris replied, "I was going to say something when Esther fell out.... but, $50 is $50."
Minnesota Ghost
Apparently this happened about a month ago just outside of Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a
real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door;
only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.
Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too
scared to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would surely drown!
But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's
window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two
shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to
the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."
This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a
real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door;
only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.
Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too
scared to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would surely drown!
But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's
window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two
shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to
the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."
Can you hear me now?
An elderly couple was attending church services when about halfway through
she leans over and says to him, "I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you
think I should do?"she leans over and says to him, "I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you
He leans over to her and replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Firefox & Greasemonkey: Pimp Your Web
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
This lens is all about the Mozilla Firefox Browser and its buddy the Greasemonkey Extension.It also covers an extensive list of other popular extensions and their uses.Helps solve the "extension bloat" found on Moz Add-Ons. Very easy to use and newbie friendly as well.
read more | digg story
read more | digg story
This is how I feel
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Purina diet
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no..... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no..... I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
