100 Dollar Bill

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his
sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter said,
"You died in your sleep, Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've
got too much to live for. Send me back!

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way
you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him
to a farm Near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers,
clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh?
How's your first day here?"

"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this
strange Feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster.

"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

"Never," said Ralph.

"Well, just relax and let it happen," says the
rooster. "It's no big deal."

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out
popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced
motherhood. He soon Laid another egg -- his joy was
overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack
on the
Back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....
"Dammit, Ralph!
Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"

image comes from:
www.easychickenrecipes.net

Ron Paul's words after the Dec 16th fund raising event.

December 17, 2007

What a day! I am humbled and inspired, grateful and thrilled for this vast outpouring of support.

On just one day, in honor of the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, the new American revolutionaries brought in $6.04 million, another one-day record. The average donation was $102; we had 58,407 individual contributors, of whom an astounding 24,915 were first-time donors. And it was an entirely voluntary, self-organized, decentralized, independent effort on the internet. Must be the "spammers" I keep hearing about!

The establishment is baffled and worried, and well they should be. They keep asking me who runs our internet fundraising and controls our volunteers. To these top-down central planners, a spontaneous order like our movement is science-fiction. But you and I know it's real: as real as the American people's yearning for freedom, peace, and prosperity, as real as all the men and women who have sacrificed for our ideals, in the past and today.

And how neat to see celebrations all across the world, with Tea Parties from France to New Zealand. This is how we can spread the ideals of our country, through voluntary emulation, not bombs and bribes. Of course, there were hundreds in America.

As I dropped in on a cheering, laughing crowd of about 600 near my home in Freeport, Texas, I noted that they call us "angry." Well, we are the happiest, most optimistic "angry" movement ever, and the most diverse. What unites us is a love of liberty, and a determination to fix what is wrong with our country, from the Fed to the IRS, from warfare to welfare. But otherwise we are a big tent.

Said the local newspaper (http://www.thefacts.com/story.lasso?): "The elderly sat with teens barely old enough to vote. The faces were black, Hispanic, Asian and white. There was no fear in their voices as they spoke boldly with each other about the way the country should be. Held close like a deeply held secret, Paul has brought them out of the disconnect they feel between what they know to be true and where the country has been led."

Thanks also to the 500 or so who braved the blizzard in Boston to go to Faneuil Hall. My son Rand told me what a great time he had with you.

A few mornings ago on LewRockwell.com, I saw a YouTube of a 14-year-old boy that summed up our whole movement for me. This well-spoken young man, who could have passed in knowledge for a college graduate, told how he heard our ideas being denounced. So he decided to Google. He read some of my speeches, and thought, these make sense. Then he studied US foreign policy of recent years, and came to the conclusion that we are right. So he persuaded his father to drop Rudy Giuliani and join our movement.

All over America, all over the world, we are inspiring real change. With the wars and the spying, the spending and the taxing, the inflation and the credit crisis, our ideas have never been more needed. Please help me spread them https://www.ronpaul2008.com/donate in all 50 states. Victory for liberty! That is our goal, and nothing less.

Sincerely,

Ron

You gotta love this guy!

Ron Paul 2008.com

A man owned a small farm in Indiana.

The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' Demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

It has taken forever to get here. 200 posts and I am celebrating with a picture of one of my favorite things.

An Irish Daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff .... dad .... I became a prostitute ...."

"Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad .... as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in the country club..." ... (takes a breath) ... "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff .... a prostitute, dad! .... sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots
a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind...
poof ! Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying
complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day,
Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have just
witnessed her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is
the price of
this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to
shit when I tell you the price."

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
Smith.... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next
Day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using
Axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
Marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly,
The phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff
Come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"