100 Dollar Bill

A woman walked into her son's house. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!" "John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"




Thanks Cindy

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a
good man and they would have married him anyway.

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You enjoy life, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm!

The End



Thanks Cindy

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, then she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said..... (you're going to love this!), "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity,

approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put

$1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and

what I don't need I give to the church."

The pastor replied... "That's wonderful. How much does he send you?"

The old lady said.... "Oh, $20,000 a week." The pastor was amazed...

"Your son must be very successful, what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

That is a very honorable profession," the pastor says. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady says proudly...."Well, he has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."