100 Dollar Bill

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front
door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back
into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she
always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went
inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the
house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver
that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my
mother." A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so
long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the
bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She
tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her
in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her
fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.