100 Dollar Bill

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and

agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves,

He tells her that he does not have any cash with him,

But he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,

Calling the payment

"RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,

Realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.

So he has his secretary send a check for

$250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam:

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your

Apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I

Rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;

2) that there was plenty of heat; and

3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,

That there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large

Upon receipt of the note,

The girl immediately returned the check for $250

With the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a

Beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

As for the heat, there is plenty of it,

If you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,

But if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,

Please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlord!

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed,

"When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. the spotted hankercheif will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg, you wil be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Coustume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel a nd a note which says:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since the have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts , stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handywoman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.' A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. ' You're finished already?' the husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her. 'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus'