Friday, December 31, 2004
David received a parrot for his birthday.
This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly
He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and
that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said:
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
Ran out of gas
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat."
What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.
Noodling is great fun
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
COLUMBIA, Mo. - Next summer, it will be legal to plunge into some Missouri rivers and grab catfish by hand - a type of fishing that is not for the faint of heart.
Known variously as noodling or hogging, handfishing has long been a misdemeanor punishable by fines, because state officials fear it depletes breeding-age catfish. It can also be dangerous: Noodlers hold their breath for long periods under water and sometimes come up with fistfuls of agitated snakes or snapping turtles instead of fish.
That does not discourage enthusiasts, who insist there is great sportsmanship in fishing with your bare hands.
So after years of urging by noodlers, and lopsided legislative support for easing up on handfishers, the Missouri Conservation Commission has approved an experimental handfishing season next summer. Forms of handfishing are already legal in 11 states, including neighboring Oklahoma, Arkansas and Illinois.
"It's a start," John Smith, deputy director of the Conservation Department, said Tuesday. "We are moving forward in good faith to answer the legitimate biological concerns that we have, and balance that with the requests for making this process legal."
Missouri's biological concerns are that handfishers, who go for the biggest fish they can wrestle from riverbanks or hollow logs, will take too many sexually mature fish from their underwater nests.
The commission agreed to a June 1-July 15 season, during which handfishers who have bought a $7 permit can use only their bare hands and feet to catch a daily total of five catfish. Fish under 22 inches long must be thrown back.
Handfishing will be legal only along specified stretches of the Fabius, St. Francis and Mississippi rivers.
So secretive are handfishers that they have formed a club called Noodlers Anonymous. A University of Missouri-Columbia professor who got the group's cooperation in surveying its members found that most are men, average age about 40, living in rural areas.
Howard Ramsey of Paris, Mo., president of Noodlers Anonymous, said the season is a "very positive step."
"I hope this is the first step toward a statewide noodling season," Ramsey said. "Noodling is great fun and very satisfying and any lover of fishing should try it."
Robbers told hotel workers they took loot to buy gifts
Sunday, December 26, 2004
The season of giving became the season of taking for two masked robbers who raided the Castle Rock Hampton Inn early Friday.
After tying up the manager and snatching the safe, they apologized and said they needed the money to buy Christmas presents, according to Castle Rock police.
Authorities aren't yet sure how much the two bandits got away with, but the holiday is a misappropriated motive, said city spokeswoman Carrie McCausland.
"This is a case of misguided Christmas spirit," she said. "We would hope no one would have to go through what the manager went through in the name of Christmas."
According to police, two men in ski masks entered the hotel, at 4830 Castleton Way, about 4 a.m. One carried a pistol.
The night manager, who was working alone, was bound in duct tape and left in a back room.
Before the men left, they said they were sorry but they had shopping to do with the stolen loot, police said.
The night manager wiggled loose and called police.
Police don't have much to go on, McCausland said.
There was no security video shot, and the robbers apparently left no fingerprints.
A newspaper delivery person may have gotten a glimpse of the robbers fleeing the hotel, but the description of the getaway car was too vague to be of much use, McCausland said.
Castle Rock police, the Douglas County Sheriff's Office and the Colorado State Patrol were all searching for clues Friday, she said.
In the meantime, police urged businesses along the Interstate 25 corridor to take extra precautions, especially in the early morning hours.
Authorities are asking anyone with information to call 303-663-6100.
Staff writer Joey Bunch can be reached at 303-820-1174 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Friday, December 24, 2004
OPEC a monopoly?
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Monopolies are wrong. The price of things are determined by the market, not by the company, companies or cartel. Cartel, in this case, the OPEC Cartel has supreme rule over the price of oil. Why we, as the world community allow this to happen is beyond me. In the U.S., we feel it necessary to spend millions to prosecute companies that supposedly have a monopoly(microsoft etc.) Maybe the world should prosecute OPEC as a monopoly. What do you think?
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Since Version 1.0 of Firefox went public about a month ago, about 10 million Internet Explorer users have seen the white-hot light and switched, gnawing off a huge chunk of IE's dominant market share (about 4 percent of it) while easing their security concerns. (This week, Microsoft announced five new security flaws in IE, bringing the total this year to 45 — or about 43 more than many people consider tolerable. And last week, Penn State University implored its 80,000-plus students and faculty to stop using IE purely for security's sake.)
Reporter: David Sheets