100 Dollar Bill

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is
the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on
the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, barfed in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone,
I'm married!"

a self-induced hangover - $100.00
broken furniture - $200.00
breakfast - $10.00
saying the right thing - priceless