100 Dollar Bill

Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local
coffee shop.

Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date . . . I know that
you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about
him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually
at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he
brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and
what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner, a marvelous dinner - lobster,
let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died
from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an
ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has
his way with me, two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no! I'm just saying, wear an old dress."


Thanks Stacey

A man goes to a supermarket and as he is browsing the fresh vegetables, notices a beautiful blonde who waves at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he recognizes her, but can't place where he knows her from. So he asks "do you know me?"

To which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

He thinks back to the only time he had ever been unfaithful and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I had my way with on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

Suddenly looking very uncomfortable, she replied "No, I'm your son's math teacher."